And So It Goes
by obsessedwithstabler
Summary: He was her best friend, and they cared about each other much more than partners should. The only thing standing in the way of them and what they could have was her. All she had to do was let down that last wall…


A songfic for one of my favorite Billy Joel songs, And So It Goes. I thought it fit Mary very well. This is set in no particular season, but it is after she breaks up with Raph. Lots of fluff and angst. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Not mine!

IPSIPSIPSIPS

She wasn't sure exactly when it happened, but the moment she realized it, she knew she was in trouble.

Partners weren't supposed to fall in love. Screw once in a while on the side? Sure. Develop feelings? Absolutely not. When feelings were developed, situations became a million times more complicated. Lives were jeopardized, danger was increased, and things never ended well.

Maybe that was why she drew such a hard line in all of her partnerships (at least the ones that lasted longer than a month). And maybe that was why she went looking for love in all the wrong places. She needed at least one person on her side, one relationship that wasn't complicated by emotional crap. She needed that. And with Marshall, she had it. She had someone she could run to at any time, someone who could make sense of her screwed up world, someone who didn't let her get away with crap. He challenged her in all the right ways, and no matter what, he would always be there for her.

So when she looked up one afternoon and saw him running his hand through his hair, she was stunned by the erratic beats her heart began to make.

What the hell?

She looked at the file in front of her, suddenly uncomfortably warm.

When did this happen?

It couldn't happen.

She wouldn't let it happen. Their friendship was the best thing in her life, and she couldn't do anything to mess that up. Although she was certain Marshall felt the same way, she just couldn't risk it. What if they did begin a relationship, only to see it crumble after a while? Then she would lose him entirely. No. No, she couldn't do that.

"Mary?"

"Huh?" Mary looked up to see Marshall grinning at her, and she did the only thing she knew to do. "What the hell do you want?"

"Whoa, grouch. Just wanted to know if you wanted to get lunch."

There was a slight look of hurt, and she stiffened as guilt poured over her. "Sorry… Yeah, let's get lunch." Getting to her feet, she grabbed her jacket and pulled it on.

He stood as well and waited for her to join him. Then they walked to the elevator, their strides perfectly matched.

As they approached the elevator, Marshall reached out and placed his hand on the small of Mary's back, a gesture conveying protectiveness and affection. It was something he did routinely, but today, it scared the hell out of Mary.

IPSIPSIPSIPSIPS

That night, Mary showered and changed into her sleepwear. Then she climbed into her bed, ready to sleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. But once she was comfortable, she realized that she was nowhere near ready to sleep.

Instead, she found herself thinking of Marshall. Lately she'd been doing a lot of that, and she knew nothing good would come of it. But she couldn't stop herself. What the hell had happened to her self-control?

She rolled over in her bed and beat her fists against her pillow, crying out her frustration. What the hell was wrong with her?

Why did she need him so badly?

_In every heart, there is a room_

_A sanctuary safe and strong _

_To heal the wounds from lovers past_

_Until a new one comes along_

The next morning, Mary was running late. Marshall was the first to notice her as she rushed to her desk, and he gave her a curious look.

"Long night?"

She gave him a dirty look, and he held his hands up in surrender.

"You just look tired, is all."

"Go to hell."

He sighed and returned his attention to his computer, and Mary mentally berated herself. He was just asking a question. Did she really need to tear his head off for it?

After a long silence, Mary finally spoke again, this time considerably more gentle. "Hey, do you want to have dinner tonight?"

Marshall perked up. "Your treat?"

"Hell, no."

He chuckled, and she finally relaxed.

IPSIPSIPSIPSIPSIPS

That evening, Mary found herself unusually excited as she waited for Marshall at the restaurant. It was a place that they both liked, and for once, she was actually nicely dressed. A dark blue dress replaced her usual attire of jeans, though she had no idea why the hell she was dressing up. It was just Marshall.

The door opened, and she felt as though the wind had been knocked out of her when she laid eyes on him.

Breathe…

He made his way to the table and gave her an easy smile. "You look great, Mare."

A slight blush crept along her cheeks, and for once, she had no smart-ass reply or sarcastic remark.

_I spoke to you in cautious tones_

_You answered me with no pretense_

_And still I feel I've said too much_

_My silence is my self-defense_

After dinner, Marshall insisted on driving her home. She had taken a cab to the restaurant in anticipation of drinking, and of course Marshall had avoided any alcohol.

As they drove to her house, she closed her eyes and relaxed. The dinner had been pleasant and familiar, but there was an underlying current of tension, mostly on her part. Why did he have to come in looking so damn good?

"Mare?"

She lifted her head and looked at him.

He grinned at her expression. "We're here." Opening his door, he climbed out and rushed around to the passenger's seat. Then he opened her door and helped her out of the truck.

For once, she let him help her, and she was surprised with herself. This was Marshall. He was always so damn helpful. It was just his nature. But every time he touched her, intentionally or not, she felt something unfamiliar course through her. Why was she fighting this so hard?

Because he was her partner, and she refused to add their friendship to a long list of bridges she had burned.

In a gesture of familiarity, Marshall slid his strong arm around her as they walked up her driveway.

Once they reached the door, Mary smiled softly and stepped away from his embrace. "Tonight was…" She sighed. "Just what I needed. Thank you, Marshall."

He wasn't used to her being so…nice, but he took it all in stride. "I had a good time too, Mary."

The look in his eyes was almost expectant, like that of a man on a first date waiting for the perfect moment to lean in for a kiss. And she wanted to kiss him more than anything in the world.

But she couldn't. She just couldn't, not if she wanted to keep him in her life. And as much as it hurt, having him there just as a friend was better than not having him at all.

However, if life had taught her anything, it was that everyone left eventually. Lovers, friends, family…everyone.

Eventually, everyone left her.

_And every time I've held a rose_

_It seems I only felt the thorns_

_And so it goes, and so it goes_

_And so will you soon, I suppose_

She thought about that for a moment. Everyone left eventually, so what did it matter if she took a chance and told Marshall how she felt? Maybe he didn't feel the same way, but maybe he did and they could be happy together, if only for a while.

Was it worth the risk?

Marshall stepped closer to her. The color of his eyes had deepened to a smoky hue, almost like the ocean depths. "Mary…"

She looked at him, and her heart jumped when his large hand closed around her forearm. She wanted to be happy, she truly did. What was stopping her? Her own fear of getting hurt. Once upon a time, her father had walked out on her, leaving her incapable of trusting anyone completely.

Anyone except Marshall.

Somewhere in their seven years as partners, she had learned to trust him completely. He watched her back every day and guarded her life. And somewhere, she had trusted him with her heart. Battered and bruised as it was, he had taken it and kept it safe all that time. He had proven to her time and again that he could be trusted, that he was loyal and would do anything for her.

Why had she refused to let herself see that?

He came even closer, until she could feel his warm breath on her skin. "Mar…" Taking a chance, he reached up and ran his calloused thumb lightly over her cheek. The move was almost reverent.

He was her best friend, and they cared about each other much more than partners should. The only thing standing in the way of them and what they could have was her. All she had to do was let down that last wall…

Suddenly she closed the distance between them and caught his mouth in a sweet kiss. It was nothing like the harried kiss they'd shared in a barn years ago, when she was trying not to get them killed. This was tender and gentle, and her eyes closed as his hand slid up into her thick hair.

After a few moments, they finally broke apart, both gasping quietly. He rested his forehead against hers, and she slid her arms around him in a desperate embrace.

"Don't go, Marshall. Please, don't go."

_But if my silence made you leave_

_Then that would be my worst mistake_

_So I will share this room with you_

_And you can have this heart to break_

As the morning sun rose hours later, Mary awoke reluctantly in her warm bed. But she wasn't alone. Marshall was curled up beside her, his head on her chest and one arm draped possessively over her. She smiled as she remembered the previous night. After their kiss on the front porch and her quiet words, he had pulled her inside. The hours that followed were filled with a kind of love that she had never experienced. She had never given herself so completely to any man. She always held something back, some part of her that she refused to share.

Marshall had changed all of that.

She sighed softly and kissed his head. Last night had been something she was confident she would never experience. Sex had always been born out of a desperate physical need for release, even when she was engaged to Raph. There was more emotion there, but being with Marshall had made all of those encounters seem…empty.

Her fingers began threading through Marshall's hair. She was completely happy, and at the same time, she was terrified. What if he woke up and realize what a colossal mistake last night had been? What if he left and requested another partner? That thought made her more uncomfortable and unhappy than she would have liked to admit. But it was a very real possibility.

"I'm not going anywhere, Mare."

His soft voice startled her, and she groaned. "What are you, a mind reader?"

"No." He lifted himself up so that he could see her face. "I just know you."

Well, he had that right. "Last night…"

"What?" he challenged. "Last night what?"

She shifted uncomfortably. "What if… Did we make a mistake?"

He tried not to look hurt. "I don't think we did."

"You don't?"

Sighing, he laid on his side and rested his head beside hers. "Of course not, Mary. Last night… I've waited for this for a very long time." Practically since he met her…or shortly after, anyway.

She shifted onto her side so that they were face to face. "You have?"

"Absolutely." He reached out and gently placed his hand against her cheek. "Mary… I'm crazy about you. I have been for years."

She had suspected this, but to him say it out loud was mind-blowing. "Marshall, I don't want to lose you."

"You won't. You're my best friend."

"And you're my best friend, too."

His thumb began stroking her skin lightly. "So we just took it to the next level. A strong friendship is a great foundation for a relationship."

"A…relationship?" Could she do that? Could she be that kind of woman and give herself completely to him? Could she be what he needed?

"That's what I want. What do you want?"

_And this is why my eyes are closed_

_It's just as well for all I've seen_

_And so it goes, and so it goes_

_And you're the only one who knows_

What did she want? Did she want to keep living her life, alone but free to do whatever the hell she wanted? Or did she want to pursue a relationship with Marshall and finally let someone into her heart for the first time in years? He had gotten further in a matter of minutes than Raph had in years. Wasn't that a big clue right there? He was already in her heart, the heart she had worked so long and so hard to protect. He had been there for years.

He scooted closer and lightly kissed her forehead. "I love you, Mary," he whispered. "I have for years." He just didn't want to push it, because he didn't want to scare her. She was like a wild stallion, only to be brought in when she was ready.

Her mouth became dry, and a slight tremor went through her. He really was putting himself completely out there, something she had never been able to do. And all she had to do was reach for him. He would be there to catch her. Her body shuddered as she took a deep breath and took the leap.

"I love you, too, Marshall."

His cerulean eyes widened and became a shade of blue that she had never seen. "Really?"

Finally she laughed and punched his shoulder. "Yes." She was surrendering her heart to him and trusting that he would keep it safe.

It finally sank in, and he caught her off guard when he pulled her on top of himself and rested his hands on her waist. "I love you, Mary." He sat up and pulled her down for a kiss.

"I love you, too, Doofus," she murmured against his soft lips. "I really do."

"And you want to be with me?"

"Of course I do!"

"Good." A devilish grin appeared on his handsome face. "Because I'm not letting you go."

She yelped when he suddenly rolled them over, so that she was pinned beneath him. Then he began an assault on her neck with his mouth, claiming her in every way.

Relaxing against the mattress, she ran her fingers through his thick hair. Then she kissed him again, this time more languidly. She was done fighting her feelings for him, done fighting, period. And luckily, he was there waiting with open arms.

_So I will choose to be with you_

_As if the choice were mine to make_

_And you can make decisions, too_

_And you can have this heart to break_

_And so it goes, and so it goes_

_And you're the only one who knows_

The End.

A/N: Aww, I just love them so much. I have a good feeling (after rewatching Medal Of Mary 50 times) that they will wind up together before the series ends. Hehe. Thanks for reading, and please review!


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